I'll Watch Anything

Like Timmy’s experience with Contraband, mine was similar with One for the Money.  I was so excited after seeing the trailer, I invited friends to go see an afternoon matinee.  It was a failure.  I really want to dig into One for the Money but there’s not much to say.  It is not only not good, it is clear from the start director Julie Anne Anderson cannot make it happen on any level.  In short, we left.  When we were seated in the adjacent theater, my friend said, “That may have been the flattest movie I’ve ever seen.” 

A month and a half ago, I realized my Xmas spirit was lacking as usual.  So I took out Visions of Sugar Plums by Janet Evanovich from the library.  A book on tape, ready by Lorelei King.  It was an Xmas story and it introduced me to all the characters of the world of Stephanie Plum, who is the narrator and protagonist of many Evanovich novels.  Lorelei King, the reader of the book, was completely over the top and hilarious.  She did a much better job with Evanovich’s style and zany characters than the millions of dollars and hundreds of people who were involved in the feature film.  Heigl, by the way, was one of the executive producers of One for the Money.

And one other thing about the movie: the voiceover.  The only explanation I can come up with is they were trying to be so faithful to Evanovich the screenwriters wrote in all the non-dialogue parts from the book as voiceover for Heigl.  But it’s a movie.  We don’t need to hear visual descriptions.  It is no longer necessary for the author to help us visualize the scene.  Apparently when I left to get more popcorn, Stephanie Plum told the audience more than once that an onscreen car was yellow.

Before we move on to The Grey, let’s talk about previews, because I feel like a fool for getting so excited about movies that are obviously going to be bad.  Who are these genius editors?  They construct preview after preview that are almost always better than their longer counterparts.  Why aren’t they editing features?  Or directing them?  Or starring in them?  Can they function – and function is a giant understatement – only in the two and a half minute trailer medium?  Because so many movies – One for the Money and Contraband most definitely included – are worse than their previews.  In both aforementioned titles, the one liners land better, the sexual tension exists, and the movie stars’ smiles and mannerisms are magic – except that only exists in the preview, not in the actual movie.  But what am I going to rely on if not the previews?  Movie reviews?  No.  That was a joke.

So The Grey.  Let’s see.  Well first of all, it seemed like a masterpiece after thirty minutes of One for the Money.  But anything would have. Read more »