Archive for the Review Category

A Movie-Hopping Failure starring One for the Money and They Grey

Posted in Review with tags , , , , on February 7, 2012 by sdoob

 

Like Timmy’s experience with Contraband, mine was similar with One for the Money.  I was so excited after seeing the trailer, I invited friends to go see an afternoon matinee.  It was a failure.  I really want to dig into One for the Money but there’s not much to say.  It is not only not good, it is clear from the start director Julie Anne Anderson cannot make it happen on any level.  In short, we left.  When we were seated in the adjacent theater, my friend said, “That may have been the flattest movie I’ve ever seen.” 

A month and a half ago, I realized my Xmas spirit was lacking as usual.  So I took out Visions of Sugar Plums by Janet Evanovich from the library.  A book on tape, ready by Lorelei King.  It was an Xmas story and it introduced me to all the characters of the world of Stephanie Plum, who is the narrator and protagonist of many Evanovich novels.  Lorelei King, the reader of the book, was completely over the top and hilarious.  She did a much better job with Evanovich’s style and zany characters than the millions of dollars and hundreds of people who were involved in the feature film.  Heigl, by the way, was one of the executive producers of One for the Money.

And one other thing about the movie: the voiceover.  The only explanation I can come up with is they were trying to be so faithful to Evanovich the screenwriters wrote in all the non-dialogue parts from the book as voiceover for Heigl.  But it’s a movie.  We don’t need to hear visual descriptions.  It is no longer necessary for the author to help us visualize the scene.  Apparently when I left to get more popcorn, Stephanie Plum told the audience more than once that an onscreen car was yellow.

Before we move on to The Grey, let’s talk about previews, because I feel like a fool for getting so excited about movies that are obviously going to be bad.  Who are these genius editors?  They construct preview after preview that are almost always better than their longer counterparts.  Why aren’t they editing features?  Or directing them?  Or starring in them?  Can they function – and function is a giant understatement – only in the two and a half minute trailer medium?  Because so many movies – One for the Money and Contraband most definitely included – are worse than their previews.  In both aforementioned titles, the one liners land better, the sexual tension exists, and the movie stars’ smiles and mannerisms are magic – except that only exists in the preview, not in the actual movie.  But what am I going to rely on if not the previews?  Movie reviews?  No.  That was a joke.

 

So The Grey.  Let’s see.  Well first of all, it seemed like a masterpiece after thirty minutes of One for the Money.  But anything would have. Read more »

Wet Socks and an Iron Lady

Posted in Guest Spot, Review with tags , , on January 24, 2012 by illwatchanything

Thanks to some rain and a bad pair of shoes, I was pretty cold throughout The Iron Lady. That seemed appropriate, though, at least at first, given the dreary British landscape and political history I thought I was going to witness. Meryl Streep playing Margaret Thatcher! Dowdy British men fighting against women in power! Read more »

Putting Up Bricks: Contraband

Posted in Review with tags , , , on January 16, 2012 by Timothy Parfitt

 

I expended a lot of friend-capital convincing my companions to go see this movie. This involved doing impressions of Mark Wahlberg saying “No es bueno” in his tough-guy doofus voice, as shown in the preview. Unfortunately, this was all for naught, since the movie is totally mediocre. Not good enough to be enjoyable on its own merits, not quite bad enough to laugh at.

Turns out the movie is a remake of an Icelandic film,  Reykjavík-Rotterdam. I’m guessing the original is better. Or at least I hope it is. Anyways, the plot of the Marky Mark version centers around Chris Farraday, a home-security installer who used to be really good at hiding contraband while working on massive freight ships. He’s worked his way out, but due to his stone-cold stupid brother-in-law, he comes to owe money to Tim Briggs (Giovanni Ribisi), a local gangster. Ribisi is truly, startlingly bad. Worst of all, you can tell he thinks he’s doing a good job.

Other things that keep Contraband from being good, believable, or bearable Read more »

Catch-Up: Hopscotch (1980)

Posted in Catch-up, Review, Samuel C. Doob with tags , , on January 16, 2012 by sdoob

There is a pattern in movies that disappoints me every time, something I’m still trying to get used to: the bad second half.

Hopscotch is a good example.  I had never heard of this movie: directed by Ronald Neame, released in 1980.  My friend bought it for me because of the cover: Walter Matthau at a typewriter, looking disheveled with a cup of coffee.  

It turned out to be a spy movie.  Now I’ve always had problems with James Bond.  Mostly because I don’t identify with the man.  Does he have B.M.s?  Probably, but they look and smell like ice cubes.  Does he have emotions?  Sort of, sometimes he does.  Does he drink beer with a straw?  Definitely not, what a stupid question.  James Bond’s just not my type of man then.  But a spy like James Bond played by Walter Matthau?  Amazing. 

I was so excited at the beginning of the movie.  Matthau’s Miles Kendig is irresistible; he is in love with a beautiful Austrian woman with a dry sense of humor (Glenda Jackson); he never carries a gun; and he is very, very smart.  After Kendig loses his position as an international spy, he decides to write a memoir, a tell-all, mostly to torment his old boss (Ned Beatty).  Kendig sends it, chapter by chapter, to all the people all over the world who should not be reading it.  So, as a result, he’s on the lam. 

At every turn for the first half of the movie, I was charmed, surprised, and laughing out loud.  Then came the second half: predictable, unending, spotted with scenes that flat-out didn’t work. 

Why does this happen so often?  Read more »

Horses! Horses! Horses!

Posted in Review, Samuel C. Doob with tags , , on January 10, 2012 by sdoob

Basically, it’s a mess that’s never boring, but the director is Steven Spielberg and he gets to do whatever he wants like have WWI stop and both sides ignore their differences to save the war horse and then the owner of the horse – temporarily blind – does his special hand whistle to get the horse to come to him, and guess what? the British army parts like the red sea to let the horse come back to his man.  A little bit later an old man who has lost everything – including all his money – shows up with a unexplained shit load of money; he’s traveled to England from Germany, and he buys the war horse in an auction because it meant everything to his deceased granddaughter.  But then he gives it to the blind homo-erotic guy because, why not? it’s only all his money and the horse that his dead granddaughter loved.  And that’s going to be the end of the movie, wait almost, there’s going to be a long shot of the horse with a pink sunset behind him.  That’s not even good Spielberg.  That’s bullshit. 
 
Oh and it’s one of those movies that the whole time it felt like a book.  It was adapted into a play, which my mother thought was magic.  I told her, “Don’t see the movie.”

Introducing the new guy: My Week with Marilyn, review by Daniel Picker

Posted in Review with tags , , on January 10, 2012 by illwatchanything

In “My Week with Marilyn” actress Michelle Williams delivers a revelatory performance as Marilyn Monroe.  Of course portraying Miss Monroe, a 20th century icon presents a unique challenge.  This film, “My Week with Marilyn” is based on the “Diaries” of Colin Clark, a British filmmaker who at 23 served as 3rd Assistant Director on the film “The Prince and the Showgirl” of 1957.  That film starred Marilyn Monroe and Sir Laurence Olivier.  The film of Clark’s “Week with Marilyn” takes place in 1956, and the period detail of this picture is spot on.

            Colin Clark was the son of the eminent art historian Sir Kenneth Clark; Colin, the younger of two sons was educated at Eton College and Christ Church Oxford.  In the film “My Week with Marilyn” Clark, as portrayed by another Etonian, Eddie Redmayne serves as a sort of go–between for Olivier who is portrayed by Kenneth Branagh. Read more »

Dialogue is Overrated: The Artist

Posted in Review with tags , , , on January 7, 2012 by Timothy Parfitt

A French movie directed by a Frenchman, starring French movie stars, produced by the Weinsteins, The Artist was a big hit at various festivals this past year. It’s a silent movie about the end of silent movies, and it features a cute dog very prominently. Some people might be bored to tears by this movie, but personally I loved it. The music’s great, the performances are spot-on, and even the dog thing works. There’s something refreshing about seeing actors emoting with dramatic facial expressions, and not being barraged by mediocre dialogue and distracting soundtracks. So far this is my favorite Oscar bait of the season.

Smoking, Physchosis and Sexual Hangups

Posted in Review with tags , , , , , on January 7, 2012 by Timothy Parfitt

A Dangerous Method is a new movie directed by David Cronenberg about Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung and intellectuals having sex. Viggo Mortensen plays Freud, Michael Fassbinder is Jung, and Keira Knightley stars as Jung’s patient, mistress and protege. The movie opens with Knightley being rushed to an Austrian mental hospital, apparently beset by sexual mania and a severe underbite. Under the care of Dr. Jung, she discovers that her illness is related to her love of being spanked, something he eventually helps her with.

The movie is based on a non-fiction account of Freud and Jung’s friendship and falling out. This historical accuracy is a two-edged sword. On the one hand, the film does recreate an exciting scientific time, as Victorian values were being underminded by these pyschological pioneers and their theories on Oedipal complexes and anal fixations. On the other hand, I sort of wanted more of a melodrama, with a true love triangle and maybe some leather-glove-face-slapping. Also, since this is a Cronenberg (The Fly, Videodrome, eXistence) film, I was slightly disappointed that no one sprouted new appendages from their stomachs or had sex using or turned into slime-covered aliens. I guess he was going for a straight period piece, and not a historical sex saga/sci-fi hybrid. Pity.

That being said, the film is entertaining and the leads all pull their weight. My friend thought the dialogue was stilted, but I didn’t (until she pointed it out). Above average oscar bait.

Product Placements and Mental Breakdowns: Young Adult

Posted in Review with tags , , , , , , , on January 7, 2012 by Timothy Parfitt

In the buzz surrounding Young Adult, the Diablo Cody movie starring Charleze Theron, there was a fair amount of hand-wringing over whether the protangonist was too unlikeable. Or more specifically, whether audiences would connect to Mavis (Theron), a 30 something babe who ghost writes Sweet Valley High-type books. Maybe I’m not a proper barometer of mass-appeal, but I like movies better when the main character is unlikeable. This can backfire, of coarse. You have to be willing to spend ninety-plus minutes with the person. But far too often, you get the distinct feeling that Hollywood hero and heroines are whitewashed of their faults, until they are bland potatos stumbling towards pre-packaged epiphanies. Thankfully, that’s not the case in Young Adult.

In the movie, directed by Jason Reitman, Mavis descends upon her Minnesota hometown, hell bent on winning back her high school boyfriend Buddy (Patrick Wilson). The fact that Buddy is happily married with a newborn kid means very little together. Somewhere along the line, Mavis has started to believe the true love and destiny claptrap that fills her books, and in her mind, Buddy and her are “meant to be together.” With this mindset, his whole life, his wife, his kid, are only minor problems that together they can overcome. Shacked up in the local Best Western, she starts spending a lot of time with local sadsack Matt (Patton Oswalt), a dork who she systematically ignored in high school. In a lot of ways, Oswalt saves the movie. Mavis is a sassy, mean and funny main character, but she can only really express her feelings with Matt as a foil. They spend a lot of time drinking in bars, and Matt isn’t afraid to tell Mavis she’s nuts to her face.

I saw this movie in the suburbs, and found myself laughing much harder and more often than the rest of the audience. Much of Cody’s humor balances between endorsing and criticizing Mavis’ hyper-critical ways. She looks down her pretty nose at all these suburbanites with their boring, happy families and weekly dinners at Chili’s. Speaking of Chili’s, director Reitman continues his knack for stuffing his movies to the gills with  product placements. While Up in the Air felt like a 2 hourlong  American Airlines ad, Young Adult tries to have it both ways, featuring countless fast food chains that the main character mocks and thinks are charmless, but eats at anyways.

All in all, I found Young Adult much more compelling than Cody’s previous hit, Juno. Whereas Juno often felt smug and aggresively twee, Young Adult is funny and cringworthy, a comedy that not afraid to go all in with its train-wreck heroine.

The Descendants

Posted in Review on December 9, 2011 by sdoob

This movie blows.  I mean it had its moments and everything.  But it was just bad.  Director Alexander Payne seems to be moving further away from the kinetic editing of Election, and limiting himself to the very basics of feature filmmaking.  In theory, this approach should not distract from the story and the characters whatsoever, but for me, it was the opposite.  It’s the style of a dead serious fourteen year old boy making his first drama.  Plain shots – nothing self-indulgent – and bare naked performances with no flashy editing to hide what we normally don’t see when we pay ten dollars to see a movie: actors not making it happen. 

When I suggested the idea of going to my friend, she said, “Is it one of those Middle-Aged Man Pain movies?”

“Yeah, it is,” I said.  “It really is, actually.”

“Those movies are so boring!”

I hadn’t considered it.  I like middle aged men who are in pain, unless they drive sports cars.  Regardless, this is very much a middle-aged-man-that-stares-into-space-a-lot-and-he’s-got-a-complicated-relationship-with-his-kids-and-he-has-to-try-to-fix-everything-and-he’s-such-a-mess movie.  So if that’s what you like – like if you liked A Serious Man or Alexander Payne’s 2002 failure, About SchmidtThe Descendants might do it for you.  It got a lot of good reviews.

Okay.  Positive things: the second half is better than the first half.  When can you say that about a movie?  The story sometimes gets better and it distracts from the stilted acting and clunky cinematography.  Also, the thesis, at least early on, is George Clooney cares on an emotional level more that his wife was cheating on him than that she’s dying.  But yeah, that’s it.  The movie blows.

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